Dear Friends,
Always good to see you! Come right in and sit down for a cup of good tea, hot and sweet!
Please don't take any notice of the pirates in the hallway, as they were making rather merry last night in celebration of something or other (these things are best left behind a veil)and have not yet regained consciousness.
Mrs. Grogan will be along presently with a nice plate of scones, hot from the oven, and I expect my dear sister Athena will join us just as soon as she returns from her laboratory. It will take her a bit longer to walk through the swamp owing to the blizzard, but the smoke and flames of your shipwrecked vessel will guide her safely home, no doubt.
Speaking of bonfires on the strand, I hope your stay with us will extend to Dec. 25, at which time all inhabitants of the Cyberlag Archipelago will foregather at Swinehurst to celebrate Christmas! This year our dear friend and financial advisor Mr. Benny Robinson will attend, together with his nephew, Cecil "Nobby" Robinson, who has been our houseguest for some little time. I suppose they will leave together after the Christmas holiday, as Benny will be missed on Wall St. ere long.
Dec. 25 is also my 120th birthday, which means the customary additional festivities can be expected!
Perhaps my parents, Col. and Mrs. R.U.O.K. "Gordon" Rohde, will pay us a holiday visit this year. One never knows. Last year they paid a Christmas visit to my Grandfather, Col. S.L.A.M. "Gordon" Rohde, apparently mistaking Australia for Cyberlag. I don't fault them for their gadabout life, nor for their confusion (the which, at times, puts their flight plan in a cocked hat), but I hope, as I do every year for my dear sister Athena's sake, that we shall hear the sputtering engine of their plane overhead on Christmas Eve!
I am happy to say that, unbelievable though it may be to regular Gazette readers, my nephew Hardy "Bingo" Flutterblast has recently shown some degree of solicitous concern for the future of Swinehurst.
As this is most uncharacteristic behaviour I must keep a sharp eye on Bingo from now on, especially as he keeps quarters in the West Wing, where I am told the guests have reported more than a usual number of disquieting incidents. Mr. Bach and Mr. Beethoven were most put out by these noisy disturbances, although I can't think why in Mr. Beethoven's case, as he had to be awakened most forcibly when a storm of meteorites occasioned an evacuation of the premises last summer.
Perhaps when he arrives I can prevail upon Dr. Milton Ku, internationally recognized Yeti architect and violinist, to let us know how the Yeti work crews are getting on with their repairs to those old West Wing quarters. No end of work to be done there, alas. I try to look after the property, but pressure of other business, etc. etc.
Mrs. Grogan assures me that you will find your guest quarters nicely prepared, and the Wreckmaster, Mr. Guilfoyle ffrench-ffinch, has seen to the safekeeping of whatever personal effects could be retrieved from amongst the charred ruins of your vessel. Meanwhile, you mustn't worry, as you will want for nothing whilst here at Swinehurst, never forgetting that all are welcome here and, whenever you wish to depart,the aliens in the swamp will be glad to transport you home at a moment's notice.
If at any time you hear the peal of the alarm bells, please take any exit and proceed to the strand beneath the Black Cliffs, as this may signal an attack upon Swinehurst by the Geographic Society, and all able-bodied persons must assemble to repel the invaders. I doubt we will suffer this inconvenience during the present cyclonic conditions, but experience tells us to be on guard at all times, holidays notwithstanding! It is most unwise to underestimate the treachery of the G.S., as many poor souls have learnt to their sad cost.
Now enjoy another cup of good tea, tell us the story of your adventures in Mainland society, and rest assured that your stay with us will leave you refreshed for the new year and ready to carry on exploring!
All Best,
Rohde
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