Can you find me in this picture?
Now We'll See Who's Been Paying Attention
I told you I'd check. You've had all year to study The
Technical Notes of Hardy "Bingo" Flutterblast so no excuses. Take your time, answer these
questions, and no cheating or I'll snatch your paper away in front of
everyone.
1. Before I'd drink Uncle G's tea, what would I rather do?
2. Who was chiefly responsible for the destruction of my lovely Danger Park?
3. Who stole my actual photo of Mozart in revenge for some imaginary slight?
4. Who looks a lot like my mother, but with a smaller nose?
All right then! Who threw that empty cigaret packet!
5. What item have I regularly (and unavailingly, by the way) asked you to pitch into the ocean, on the chance that it may wash up hereabouts?
6. Whose carelessness resulted in the fiery destruction of my bed-chamber?
7. What, much like Bach and Reggae Music, never changes?
You there! Keep your eyes on your own paper! If I catch you peeping over at your mates' answers again you'll be out on your bum in the hallway!
8. What have I hidden on every page of Uncle G's dead boring newspaper?
9. Who built the most fabulous Park anywhere in the living world?
10. Who cannot be bothered to think up any more questions?
Time's up! Hand in your papers, or toss them in the rubbish, it's all the same to me, and on your way out don't slam the door but do pick up the latest circular for the Swinehurst Mall (I'm only pretending to be asleep so I'll know if you don't do as you're told).
Pick up the answers too so you won't pester the daylights out of me for your marks:
1. suck on a hospital mop
2. 
Milton bloody Ku, to say nothing of an
ungrateful public and their crybaby Safety Inspectors
3. 
our Cookie, Mrs.Grogan to you lot
4. 
Ludwig, suspicious as all
getout but
why would I take his stubby little tooth-marked pencils when the pawnbroker won't give tuppence
for them
5. Gin. G-I-N.
6. whoever put fireworks in with the Cuban cigars, communists no doubt
7. the weather
at 
Swinehurst
8. a music player,originally to
vex
you-know-who but I might
have saved myself the trouble , at 119 years of age nothing gets his goat
9. I 
10. I, and think yourself lucky to get ten free points considering your miserable score otherwise , but the point of any exam is to make one feel miserable isn't it , so don't stand in the doorway louring at me. Your old schoolmaster may put up with it but any lip about your marks and I'll set my uncle's hounds on your neck.
This has been far more tiring for me than for you, and I suppose now you'll go have a nap whilst I, near dead of thirst, have to walk hither and thither switching lights off and shutting cupboard doors and things. Don't expect me to do this again anytime soon.